Nervous sickess


I have noticed that my stomach is reacting in funky ways to my emotions as of late. It has been an incredibly stressful period, and my essay panic today was so violent that I actually retched and trembled a little bit.

Having been on the brink of tears about five times today, for varying reasons I thought I would write about it to get it off my chest.

1) A Little Princess was on TV. I think I first saw this film when I was six years old and the bit where her father has amnesia and doesn’t recognise his poor little Sarah gets me every time. I am not ashamed to admit there were tears literally streaming down my face without the aid of alcohol nor was it past midday.

2) Essay hate- I got awful feedback for an essay which nearly made me ill with stress just over a month ago on Christmas eve. I left it until today to re-read the feedback and attempt to hold back the tears which resulted from its sheer brutality.

3) Death cab for cutie- “Brothers on a hotel bed” had better be played at my funeral. Never has a song moved me with its lyrics and melody as much as this.

4) A Terme- A very short novel by Virginie Despentes- Here is my very melted down version as there isn’t actually an English translation. Heavily pregnant woman sits on terrace with a glass of whiskey, feels the baby coming and locks herself in a hotel room where, without a sound or a scream, she gives birth to it. Once the baby is born, she cuts the cord with a pair of nail scissors, holds it up by its feet and smashes it against a wall until it is bloodied and dead. She then puts it in a strong plastic bag, seals it with selotape and addresses it to the baby’s father with a note to tell him what she’s done. Whilst I do not criticise the woman for her actions, it still saddens me that these are the lengths that she has to go to to assert her power as a woman. Violence in general kind of makes me feel a bit sick, but whatever has driven her to this point makes me sadder. Incidentally this is what my essay is on. 

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