Let’s face it, the songs are catchy, the videos feature a lot of Swifty depicting a(n often failing) relationship with a very hot guy.
a) My hair will never be wavy and blonde
b) I will never look as elegant in a ball gown.
c) I can’t sing. Ask my friends/ house-mates
d) I’m not as endearing as dear Taylor.
e) I’m not 6ft
f) or size 8 for that matter
g) I am far more cynical than dear Swifty about all things men and relationships
h) I can’t play guitar
i) I don’t have any spare squirrel costumes
j) Or a wardrobe with that many pyjamas
k) If a guy dumps me, or just isn’t interested, the first thing I do is hit the wine/ chocolate, I don’t dance around my room singing about it.
l) I have had American people explain to me numerous times what bleachers are. I will never understand why they are called bleachers. Why can’t they just call them seating areas. It’s far more straightforward.
m) I can never see myself telling a guy “you are the best thing that’s ever been mine” without laughing hysterically as I do it.
n) My life isn’t set in a series of romantic lakes, forests or cafés.
o) I have never compared any of my relationships to Romeo and Juliet
p) and on that note, I think we are way past the age when men asked the girl’s father’s permission for her hand in marriage.
q) my family background is relatively stable and sound, I need a bit more sorrow in my life to make the cut for a Swifty music video
r) I don’t wear thick rimmed glasses with the lenses punched out, because I can accept that I have 20:20 vision.
s) I don’t have a band at my disposal every time I have a break- up
t) or a ballroom
u) my bedroom is a box. So there’s no room for tantrums or angry dancing/ air guitaring,without sending my whiteboard/ noticeboard flying!
v) there is no hot guy neighbour whose bedroom window looks into mine, as we gaze longingly at each other, falling that little bit more in love every day.
w) There is a distinct shortage of elegant white ponies around here. Plus health and safety regulations mean I can’t keep one in my bedroom and play my non-existent guitar to it.
x) There have been times after break-ups when I thought… “well actually, we might get back together…”
y) When it’s December where I’m from, you can’t sit in the house in a skimpy vest top and bare feet. You need hoodies galore, fleecey pj’s and ski socks.
z) I don’t have edgy, cool, vintage furniture. Instead I have a mattress with broken springs, a broken chest of draws and a desk designed for toddlers.